BOOK ONE CHAPTER I In 1913 , when was twenty-five , two years were already gone since irony , the Holy Ghost of this later day , had , theoretically at least , descended upon .
Irony was the final polish of the shoe , the ultimate dab of the clothes-brush , a sort of intellectual " There ! "
-- yet at the brink of this story has as yet gone no further than the conscious stage .
As first see wonders frequently whether is not without honor and slightly mad , a shameful and obscene thinness glistening on the surface of like oil on , these occasions being varied , of course , with those in which thinks rather , thoroughly sophisticated , well adjusted to environment , and somewhat more significant than .
This was healthy state and it made cheerful , pleasant , and very attractive to and to .
In this state considered that would one day accomplish some quiet subtle thing that would deem worthy and , passing on , would join the dimmer stars in a nebulous , indeterminate heaven half-way between death and immortality .
Until the time came for this effort would be -- not a portrait of but , opinionated , contemptuous , functioning from within outward -- .
AND drew as much consciousness of social security from being as would have had from tracing line over to .
This is inevitable ; and to the contrary notwithstanding , an aristocracy founded sheerly on money postulates wealth in the particular .
Now , more familiarly known as " , " left in early in sixty-one to join a .
came from the war , charged into , and amid much fuss , fume , applause , and ill will gathered to some seventy-five million dollars .
This occupied energies until was fifty-seven years old .
It was then that determined , after a severe attack of sclerosis , to consecrate the remainder of life to the moral regeneration of .
became .
Emulating the magnificent efforts of , levelled a varied assortment of uppercuts and body-blows at liquor , literature , vice , art , patent medicines , and Sunday theatres .
mind , under the influence of that insidious mildew which eventually forms on all but the few , gave itself up furiously to every indignation of the age .
From an armchair in directed against the enormous hypothetical enemy , unrighteousness , a campaign which went on through fifteen years , during which displayed , , and .
The year in which this story opens found wearying ; campaign had grown desultory ; 1861 was creeping up slowly on 1895 ; thoughts ran a great deal on the Civil War , somewhat on and , almost infinitesimally on .
Early in career had married , , who brought one hundred thousand dollars and an impeccable entré into .
Immediately and rather spunkily had borne and , as if completely devitalized by the magnificence of this performance , had thenceforth effaced within the shadowy dimensions of .
, , became , , and -- at the astonishing age of twenty-six began memoirs under the title " as Have Seen . "
On the rumor of its conception this work was eagerly bid for among , but as it proved after death to be immoderately verbose and overpoweringly dull , it never obtained even a private printing .
married at twenty-two .
was , the , " and was , at the request of , christened .
When went to , the Comstock dropped out of name to a nether hell of oblivion and was never heard of thereafter .
had one picture of and together -- so often had it faced eyes in childhood that it had acquired the impersonality of furniture , but regarded it with interest .
It showed , standing beside .
Between was .
This was at five , the year of 's death .
memories of the were nebulous and musical .
was -- sometimes with , the , , occasionally making little whispers to and always clapping very briskly and uttering cooing cries after each song -- and often sang to alone , in Italian or French or in a strange and terrible dialect which imagined to be the speech of .
recollections of , , were much more vivid .
After had " joined , " as huskily remarked from time to time , and lived up at , and came daily to and expelled pleasant , thick-smelling words for sometimes as much as an hour .
was continually promising hunting trips and fishing trips and excursions to , " oh , some time soon now " ; but none of them ever materialized .
One trip did take ; when was eleven went abroad , to and , and in died with much sweating and grunting and crying aloud for air .
In a panic of despair and terror was brought back to , wedded to a vague melancholy that was to stay beside through the rest of life .
PAST AND PERSON OF At eleven had a horror of death .
Within six impressionable years had died and had faded off almost imperceptibly , until , for the first time since marriage , held for one day an unquestioned supremacy over .
So to life was a struggle against death , that waited at .
It was as a concession to hypochondriacal imagination that formed the habit of reading in bed -- it soothed .
read until was tired and often fell asleep with the lights still on .
favorite diversion until was fourteen was stamp collection ; enormous , as nearly exhaustive as 's could be -- considered fatuously that it was teaching geography .
So kept up a correspondence with and it was rare that the mail failed to bring new stamp-books or packages of glittering approval sheets -- there was a mysterious fascination in transferring acquisitions interminably from one book to another .
stamps were greatest happiness and bestowed impatient frowns on with them ; they devoured allowance every month , and lay awake at night musing untiringly on their variety and many-colored splendor .
At sixteen had lived almost entirely within , , thoroughly un-American , and politely bewildered by .
The two preceding years had been spent in with ; it would " open doors , " it would be a tremendous tonic , it would give .
So went to -- there was no other logical thing to be done with .
Oblivious to the social system , lived for a while alone and unsought in -- .
allowance was more than liberal .
laid the foundations for by purchasing from a wandering first editions of , , and , and a yellowed illegible autograph letter of 's , finding later that had been amazingly overcharged .
became , amassed a rather pathetic collection of silk pajamas , brocaded dressing-gowns , and neckties too flamboyant to wear ; in this secret finery would parade before a mirror in or lie stretched in satin along window-seat looking down on and realizing dimly this clamor , breathless and immediate , in which it seemed was never to have a part .
Curiously enough found in senior year that had acquired a position in .
learned that was looked upon as , , , .
This amused but secretly pleased -- began going out , at first a little and then a great deal .
made the Pudding .
drank -- quietly and in the proper tradition .
It was said of that had not come to so young might have " done extremely well . "
In 1909 , when graduated , was only twenty years old .
Then abroad again -- to this time , where dallied with architecture and painting in turn , took up the violin , and wrote some ghastly Italian sonnets , supposedly the ruminations of on the joys of the contemplative life .
It became established among that was in , and looked up and discovered with , on many moonlight excursions , much in that was older than the Renaissance or indeed than the republic .
, for instance , remained two months , and together realized the peculiar charm of and had a delightful sense of being very young and free in .
Not called on , and had so desired might have been _ persona grata _ with the diplomatic set -- indeed , found that inclinations tended more and more toward conviviality , but that long adolescent aloofness and consequent shyness still dictated to conduct .