BOOK I. CONTAINING AS MUCH OF THE BIRTH OF AS IS NECESSARY OR PROPER TO ACQUAINT WITH IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS HISTORY .
Chapter i .
The introduction to the work , or bill of fare to the feast .
ought to consider , not as , but rather as , at which are welcome for money .
In the former case , it is well known that provides what fare pleases ; and though this should be very indifferent , and utterly disagreeable to the taste of , must not find any fault ; nay , on the contrary , good breeding forces outwardly to approve and to commend whatever is set before .
Now the contrary of this happens to .
will insist on gratifying palates , however nice and whimsical these may prove ; and if everything is not agreeable to taste , will challenge a right to censure , to abuse , and to d -- n dinner without controul .
To prevent , therefore , giving offence to by any such disappointment , it hath been usual with to provide a bill of fare which may peruse at first entrance into ; and having thence acquainted with the entertainment which may expect , may either stay and regale with what is provided for , or may depart to some other ordinary better accommodated to taste .
As do not disdain to borrow wit or wisdom from , have condescended to take a hint from , and shall prefix not only a general bill of fare to whole entertainment , but shall likewise give particular bills to every course which is to be served up in this and the ensuing volumes .
The provision , then , which have here made is no other than _ Human Nature _ .
Nor do fear that , though most luxurious in taste , will start , cavil , or be offended , because have named but one article .
The tortoise -- as , knows by much experience -- besides the delicious calipash and calipee , contains many different kinds of food ; nor can be ignorant , that in human nature , though here collected under one general name , is such prodigious variety , that will have sooner gone through all the several species of animal and vegetable food in , than will be able to exhaust so extensive a subject .
An objection may perhaps be apprehended from the more delicate , that this dish is too common and vulgar ; for what else is the subject of all the romances , novels , plays , and poems , with which the stalls abound ?
Many exquisite viands might be rejected by , if it was a sufficient cause for contemning of them as common and vulgar , that something was to be found in .
In reality , true nature is as difficult to be met with in , as the Bayonne ham , or Bologna sausage , is to be found in .
But the whole , to continue the same metaphor , consists in the cookery of ; for , as tells -- “ True wit is nature to advantage drest ; What oft was thought , but ne'er so well exprest . ”
The same animal which hath the honour to have some part of his flesh eaten at the table of , may perhaps be degraded in another part , and some of his limbs gibbeted , as it were , in the vilest stall in .
Where , then , lies the difference between the food of and , if both are at dinner on the same ox or calf , but in the seasoning , the dressing , the garnishing , and the setting forth ?
Hence the one provokes and incites the most languid appetite , and the other turns and palls that which is the sharpest and keenest .
In like manner , the excellence of the mental entertainment consists less in the subject than in 's skill in well dressing it up .
How pleased , therefore , will be to find that have , in the following work , adhered closely to one of the highest principles of .
, as is well known to , begins at first by setting plain things before , rising afterwards by degrees as stomachs may be supposed to decrease , to the very quintessence of sauce and spices .
In like manner , shall represent human nature at first to the keen appetite of , in that more plain and simple manner in which it is found in , and shall hereafter hash and ragoo it with all the high French and Italian seasoning of affectation and vice which and afford .
By these means , doubt not but may be rendered desirous to read on for ever , as is supposed to have made eat .
Having premised thus much , will now detain no longer from diet , and shall proceed directly to serve up the first course of history for entertainment .
Chapter ii .
A short description of , and a fuller account of , .
In which is commonly called , there lately lived , and perhaps lives still , ; for both of these seem to have contended which should bless and enrich most .
In this contention , nature may seem to some to have come off victorious , as she bestowed on many gifts , while fortune had only one gift in her power ; but in pouring forth this , she was so very profuse , that others perhaps may think this single endowment to have been more than equivalent to all the various blessings which enjoyed from nature .
From the former of these , derived an agreeable person , a sound constitution , a solid understanding , and a benevolent heart ; by the latter , was decreed to the inheritance of one of the largest estates in .
had in youth married , of whom had been extremely fond : by had , all of whom died in infancy .
had likewise had the misfortune of burying , about five years before the time in which this history chuses to set out .
This loss , however great , bore like , though it must be confest would often talk a little whimsically on this head ; for sometimes said looked on as still married , and considered as only gone a little before , a journey which should most certainly , sooner or later , take after ; and that had not the least doubt of meeting again in -- sentiments for which sense was arraigned by one part of , religion by a second , and sincerity by a third .
now lived , for the most part , retired in , with , for whom had a very tender affection .
was now somewhat past the age of thirty , an aera at which , in the opinion of , the title of may with no impropriety be assumed .
was of -- as good a sort of , , as would wish to know .
Indeed , was so far from regretting want of beauty , that never mentioned that perfection , if it can be called one , without contempt ; and would often thank God was not as handsome as , whom perhaps beauty had led into errors which might have otherwise avoided .
( for that was the name of ) very rightly conceived the charms of person in to be no better than snares for , as well as for others ; and yet so discreet was in conduct , that prudence was as much on the guard as if had all the snares to apprehend which were ever laid for .
Indeed , have observed , though it may seem unaccountable to , that this guard of prudence , like the trained bands , is always readiest to go on duty where there is the least danger .
It often basely and cowardly deserts ; and constantly attends at the heels of for whom have a more distant and awful respect , and whom ( from despair , suppose , of success ) never venture to attack .
, think proper , before proceed any farther together , to acquaint that intend to digress , through this whole history , as often as see occasion , of which am ; and here must desire to mind own business , and not to intermeddle with affairs or works which no ways concern ; for till produce the authority by which are constituted , shall not plead to jurisdiction .
Chapter iii .
An odd accident which befel at return .
The decent behaviour of , with some proper animadversions on .
have told , in the preceding chapter , that inherited a large fortune ; that had a good heart , and .
Hence , doubtless , it will be concluded by many that lived like , owed a shilling , took nothing but what was own , kept , entertained with a hearty welcome at table , and was charitable to , i.e. to those who had rather beg than work , by giving the offals from it ; that died immensely rich and built .