Words are sometimes very poor exponents of such an event : but it happens now and then , on the other hand , that a plain intimation expresses too much , and suggests emotion and suffering which , in reality , have but little , if any , existence .
Mrs Marjoribanks 1
, poor lady 61
, had been an invalid 62
for many years ; she 1
had grown a little peevish in her 1
loneliness , not feeling herself 1
of much account in this world 3
.
There are some rare natures that are content to acquiesce in the general neglect , and forget
themselves 4
when
they 4
find
themselves 4
forgotten
4 ; but it is unfortunately much more usual to take the plan adopted by Mrs Marjoribanks , who devoted all
her 1
powers , during the last ten years of
her 1
life , to the solacement and care of
that poor self which
other people 5
neglected
1 1 .
The consequence was , that when she 1
disappeared from her 1
sofa -- except for the mere physical fact that she 1
was no longer there -- no one 6
, except her 1
maid , whose occupation was gone
7 , could have found out much difference .
, it is true , who had , somewhere , hidden deep in some secret corner of his 8
physical organisation , the remains of a heart , experienced a certain sentiment of sadness when he 8
re-entered the house from which
she 1
had gone away for ever
9 .
But Dr Marjoribanks 8
was too busy a man 63
to waste his 8
feelings on a mere sentiment .
, however , was only fifteen , and had floods of tears at her 0
command , as was natural at that age .
All the way home 10
she 0
revolved the situation in her 0
mind , which was considerably enlightened by novels and popular philosophy -- for the lady at the head of
Miss Marjoribanks 0
school
12 11 was a devoted admirer of _ Friends in Council _ 64
, and was fond of bestowing that work as a prize , with pencil-marks on the margin -- so that Lucilla 0
's mind had been cultivated , and was brimful of the best of sentiments .
She 0
made up her 0
mind on her 0
journey to a great many virtuous resolutions ; for , in such a case as hers , it was evidently the duty of an only child 13
to devote herself 13
to 's comfort , and become the sunshine of his 14
life , as so many young persons of
her 0
age
15 have been known to become in literature .
Miss Marjoribanks 0
had a lively mind , and was capable of grasping all the circumstances of the situation at a glance .
Thus , between the outbreaks of her 0
tears for , it became apparent to her 0
that she 0
must sacrifice her 0
own feelings , and make a cheerful home 16
for papa 8
, and that a great many changes would be necessary in the household -- changes which went so far as even to extend to the furniture .
Miss Marjoribanks 0
sketched to herself 0
, as she 0
lay back in the corner of the railway carriage 17
, with her 0
veil down , how she 0
would wind herself 0
up to the duty of presiding at 's dinner-parties , and charming everybody 18
by her 0
good humour , and brightness , and devotion to his 8
comfort ; and how , when it was all over , she 0
would withdraw and cry her 0
eyes out in , and be found in the morning languid and worn-out , but always heroical , ready to go downstairs 20
and assist at dear papa 8
's breakfast , and keep up her 0
smiles for him 8
till he 8
had gone out to .
Altogether the picture was a very pretty one ; and , considering that a great many young ladies in deep mourning 22
put force upon their 22
feelings in novels , and maintain a smile for the benefit of the unobservant male creatures of whom
they 22
have the charge
23 , the idea was not at all extravagant , considering that Miss Marjoribanks 0
was but fifteen .
She 0
was not , however , exactly the kind of figure for this _ mise en scène _ .
When talked of her 0
to -- for Lucilla 0
was already an important personage 65
at Mount Pleasant 27
-- the most common description they 24
gave her 0
was , that she 0
was " a large girl " 66
; and there was great truth in the adjective .
She 0
was not to be described as a tall girl 26
-- which conveys an altogether different idea -- but she 0
was large in all particulars , full and well-developed , with somewhat large features , not at all pretty as yet , though it was known in Mount Pleasant 27
that somebody 28
had said that such a face might ripen into beauty , and become " grandiose , " for anything anybody 29
could tell .
Miss Marjoribanks 0
was not vain ; but the word had taken possession of her 0
imagination , as was natural , and solaced her 0
much when she 0
made the painful discovery that her 0
gloves were half a number larger , and her 0
shoes a hair-breadth broader , than those of ; but the hands and feet were both perfectly well shaped ; and being at the same time well clothed and plump , were much more presentable and pleasant to look upon than the lean rudimentary schoolgirl 32
hands with which they were surrounded .
To add to these excellences , Lucilla 0
had a mass of hair which , if it could but have been cleared a little in its tint , would have been golden , though at present it was nothing more than tawny , and curly to exasperation .
She 0
wore it in large thick curls , which did not , however , float or wave , or do any of the graceful things which curls ought to do ; for it had this aggravating quality , that it would not grow long , but would grow ridiculously , unmanageably thick , to the admiration of , but to her 0
own despair , for there was no knowing what to do with those short but ponderous locks .
These were the external characteristics of the girl who was going
home 10
to be a comfort to
, and meant to sacrifice
herself 0
to
his 8
happiness
34 .
In the course of her 0
rapid journey she 0
had already settled upon everything that had to be done ; or rather , to speak truly , had rehearsed everything , according to the habit already acquired by a quick mind , a good deal occupied with itself .
First , she 0
meant to fall into 's arms -- forgetting , with that singular facility for overlooking the peculiarities of others which belongs to such a character , that Dr Marjoribanks 8
was very little given to embracing , and that a hasty kiss on her 0
forehead was the warmest caress he 8
had ever given -- and then to rush up to the chamber of death 35
and weep over dear mamma 1
.
" And to think I 0
was not there 36
to soothe her 1
last moments ! "
Lucilla 0
said to herself 0
, with a sob , and with feelings sufficiently real in their way .
After this , the devoted daughter 0
made up her 0
mind to come downstairs 20
again , pale as death , but self-controlled , and devote herself 0
to papa 8
.
Perhaps , if great emotion should make him 8
tearless , as such cases had been known , Miss Marjoribanks 0
would steal into his 8
arms unawares , and so surprise him 8
into weeping .
All this went briskly through her 0
mind , undeterred by the reflection that tears were as much out of the Doctor 8
's way as embraces ; and in this mood she 0
sped swiftly along in the inspiration of her 0
first sorrow , as she 0
imagined , but in reality to suffer her 0
first disappointment , which was of a less soothing character than that mild and manageable grief .
When Miss Marjoribanks 0
reached home 10
had been dead for twenty-four hours ; and was not at the door to receive her 0
as she 0
had expected , but by the bedside of a patient in extremity 37
, who could not consent to go out of the world 3
without the Doctor 8
.
This was a sad reversal of her 0
intentions , but Lucilla 0
was not the woman to be disconcerted 38
.
She 0
carried out the second part of her 0
programme without either interference or sympathy , except from Mrs Marjoribanks 1
's maid
7 , who had some hopes from the moment of her 0
arrival .
" I 7
ca n't abear to think as I 7
'm to be parted from you 39
all , miss 0
, " sobbed the faithful attendant 7
.
" I 7
've lost the best missus as ever was 1
, and I 7
should n't mind going after her 1
.
Whenever any one 40
gets a good friend 41
in this world 3
, they 41
're the first to be took away , " said the weeping handmaiden , who naturally saw
her 7
own loss in the most vivid light
7 .
" Ah , Ellis 7
, " cried Miss Marjoribanks 0
, reposing her 0
sorrow in the arms of this anxious attendant 7
, " we 42
must try to be a comfort to poor papa 8
! "
With this end Lucilla 0
made herself 0
very troublesome to the sober-minded Doctor 8
during those few dim days before the faint and daily lessening shadow of poor Mrs Marjoribanks 1
was removed altogether from the house 9
.
When that sad ceremony had taken place , and the Doctor 8
returned , serious enough , Heaven knows , to the great house , where
the faded helpless woman , who had notwithstanding been
and
in other days
1 , lay no longer on the familiar sofa
9 , the crisis arrived which Miss Marjoribanks 0
had rehearsed so often , but after quite a different fashion .
The widower 8
was tearless , indeed , but not from excess of emotion .
On the contrary , a painful heaviness possessed him 8
when he 8
became aware how little real sorrow was in his 8
mind , and how small an actual loss was this loss of , which bulked before the world 3
as an event of just as much magnitude as the loss , for example , which poor Mr Lake 45
, the drawing-master 67
, was at the same moment suffering .
It was even sad , in another point of view , to think of a human creature 46
passing out of the world 3
, and leaving so little trace that she 46
had ever been there 3
.
As for the pretty creature whom
Dr Marjoribanks 8
had married
1 , she 1
had vanished into thin air years and years ago .
These thoughts were heavy enough -- perhaps even more overwhelming than that grief which develops love to its highest point of intensity .
But such were not precisely the kind of reflections which could be solaced by paternal _ attendrissement _ over a weeping and devoted daughter 47
.
It was May , and the weather was warm for the season ; but Lucilla 0
had caused the fire to be lighted in the large gloomy library where
Dr Marjoribanks 8
always sat in the evenings
48 , with the idea that it would be " a comfort " to him 8
; and , for the same reason , she 0
had ordered tea to be served there 48
, instead of the dinner , for which , as she 0
imagined , could have little appetite .
When the Doctor 8
went in to his 8
favourite seclusion
48 , tired and heated and sad -- for even on the day of 's funeral the favourite doctor of
Carlingford 49
8 had patients 50
to think of -- the very heaviness of his 8
thoughts gave warmth to his 8
indignation .
He 8
had longed for the quiet and the coolness and the solitude of , apart from everybody 51
; and when he 8
found it 48
radiant with firelight , tea set on the table , and Lucilla 0
crying by the fire , in her 0
new crape , the effect upon a temper by no means perfect may be imagined .
The unfortunate man 8
threw both the windows wide open and rang the bell violently , and gave instant orders for the removal of the unnecessary fire and the tea-service .
" Let me 8
know when dinner is ready , " he 8
said , in a voice like thunder ; " and if Miss Marjoribanks 0
wants a fire , let it be lighted in the drawing-room 52
. "
Lucilla 0
was so much taken by surprise by this sudden overthrow of her 0
programme , that she 0
submitted , as a girl of much less spirit 53
might have done , and suffered herself 0
and her 0
fire and her 0
tea-things to be dismissed upstairs 54
, where she 0
wept still more at sight of dear mamma 1
's sofa , and where Ellis 7
came to mingle her 7
tears with those of , and to beg dear Miss Lucilla 0
, for the sake of her 0
precious ' elth and , to be persuaded to take some tea .
On the whole , master 8
stood lessened in the eyes of all the household 55
by his 8
ability to eat his 8
dinner , and his 8
resentment at having his 8
habitudes disturbed .
" Them men 56
would eat and drink if we 57
was all in our 57
graves , " said the indignant cook , who indeed had a real grievance 7
; and the outraged sentiment of the kitchen 58
was avenged by a bad and hasty dinner , which the Doctor 8
, though generally " very particular , " swallowed without remark .
About an hour afterwards he 8
went upstairs 54
to the drawing-room 52
, where Miss Marjoribanks 0
was waiting for him 8
, much less at ease than she 0
had expected to be .
Though he 8
gave a little sigh at the sight of 's sofa , he 8
did not hesitate to sit down upon it , and even to draw it a little out of its position , which , as Lucilla 0
described afterwards , was like a knife going into her 0
heart .
Though , indeed , she 0
had herself 0
decided already , in the intervals of her 0
tears , that the drawing-room 52
furniture had got very faded and shabby , and that it would be very expedient to have it renewed for the new reign of youth and energy which was about to commence .
As for the Doctor 8
, though Miss Marjoribanks 0
thought him 8
insensible , his 8
heart was heavy enough .
had gone out of the world 3
without leaving the least mark of her 1
existence , except in that large girl , whose spirits and forces were unbounded , but whose discretion at the present moment did not seem much greater than
's
0 .
Instead of thinking of her 0
as a comfort , the Doctor 8
felt himself 8
called upon to face a new and unexpected embarrassment .
It would have been a satisfaction to him 8
just then to have been left to himself 8
, and permitted to work on quietly at his 8
profession , and to write his 8
papers for the _ Lancet _ , and to see now and then when he 8
chose ; for Dr Marjoribanks 8
was not a man who had any great need of sympathy by nature , or who was at all addicted to demonstrations of feeling 60
; consequently , he 8
drew 's sofa a little farther from the fire , and took his 8
seat on it soberly , quite unaware that , by so doing , he 8
was putting a knife into 's heart .